Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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