Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
