HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
