Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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