You're my little dorito
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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