I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
