so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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