please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
