FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
