How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
