I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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