i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
