I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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