Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
