He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
