he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
