Pappa wants mamma naked
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
