I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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