Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am naked and annoyed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
