Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
