i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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