My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.