he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"