My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
