You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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