but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
