and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
