All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
