Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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