apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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