Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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