Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
