i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
