i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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