I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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