Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
