If that was your dad, he is hot
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
