I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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