just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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