He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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