my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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