Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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