On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
