so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
