plz talk dirty to me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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