she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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