i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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