I faked an abortion last night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
