I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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