Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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