just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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