Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
