Your mouth is God's brothel.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
