Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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