I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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