Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
