Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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