so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
