Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
