Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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