Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
