It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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