I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
