conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
