are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
