I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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