My balls are so social today.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
