Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
