i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
