if you like me you must not know who I am
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
