we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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